


Command Me, Confessor (and other drabbles)

by Bardaholic



Category: Legend of the Seeker (TV)
Genre: Drabble Collection, F/F, One Shot Collection, lots of fluff I guess?, probably some angsty undertones at some point considering it's Kahlan and Cara, there's like one explicit one shot lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 06:52:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19329352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bardaholic/pseuds/Bardaholic
Summary: A place to dump drabbles and one-shots.





	1. Hands Off

**Author's Note:**

> Okay here we go. Bunch of one-shots and shiz. I've previously posted these on ffnet, some as part of a drabble collection, and some separately.
> 
> This first one was (I think) the first LOTS thing I ever wrote? I'm pretty sure. Right after binge watching the show for the first time.
> 
> Published on ffnet Nov 22, 2013

Cara focused on her precarious footing as she made her way over the moss-covered roots of a giant oak. She could hear the stream up ahead, the rendezvous point she and Kahlan had agreed upon.

The _crack_ of a twig underfoot drew her attention, and she looked up expecting to see Kahlan. But it was Dahlia looking back at her, standing at attention with a smirk.

Cara raised her eyebrow with a bored expression. "Yes?"

Dahlia's smirk grew as she sashayed forwards, her eyes never leaving Cara's. When they were an arm's length apart, Dahlia reached out to stroke Cara's cheek tenderly with her gloved hand. Cara leaned into the touch instinctively, her eyes almost fluttering closed for a moment before she gathered herself and pulled away. Dahlia pouted.

"What do you want?"

Dahlia's smirk returned. "I want you." Her eyes roamed over the blonde's body appreciatively.

Cara glimpsed Kahlan approaching over Dahlia's shoulder. The corner of her mouth twitched up into a brief smile and she winked at the Confessor while Dahlia was preoccupied.

Satisfied with what she was seeing, Dahlia placed a hand on Cara's toned stomach, seductively sliding it up towards the underside of her breasts. Cara captured Dahlia's chin between a forefinger and thumb, forcing the Mord'Sith to look her in the eye.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Dahlia merely scoffed.

"Alright, I warned you," Cara responded, releasing her.

Dahlia moved closer, her body almost touching Cara's as her hands roamed over red leather, exploring the taught muscles hidden underneath.

Her hands came to a stop when she felt a dagger at her neck.

"Kindly remove your hands from my girlfriend before I remove them for you."

Dahlia held her hands up in surrender as Kahlan circled her to stand by Cara who let out a grunt of amusement. "I _did_ warn you," she repeated.

Having been apart for a few days, Cara was itching to touch Kahlan. She rested her hands on the Confessor's hips and leaned in to nuzzle her hair. Kahlan kept her stance with her dagger pointed towards Dahlia, but a soft smile touched her lips.

"Don't tell me the Confessor's found a way to confess Mord'Sith! She has you wrapped around her little finger."

Cara wrapped her arms fully around Kahlan while looking Dahlia dead in the eye. "You would be too if you had the honour of seeing her disrobed."

Kahlan turned in Cara's arms to glare at her. But the look the blonde gave her sent shivers down her spine and she could only gasp.

Dahlia cleared her throat, disturbing the moment.

"I guess you'll just have to take my word for it," Cara continued. She put an arm around Kahlan's waist and guided her in the direction of the stream. She wasn't worried about turning her back on Dahlia; she and Kahlan could take down the lone Mord'Sith without breaking a sweat, and they all knew it.


	2. Command Me, Confessor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Publised on ffnet May 21, 2014
> 
> I love the idea of Cara being kinda whipped but still in control, and just defying and mocking Kahlan. So this happened.

Cara roughly pushed Kahlan back against the tree, swallowing the Confessor's moan with a hard kiss. She squeezed a narrow waist through a white corset, pushing her body up against Kahlan's.

"Cara!" A gasp, as teeth bit down on an alabaster neck. "We can't do this." A whimper, "why must you tease me?"

The blonde growled into a delicate ear. "Why must _you_ tease _me?_ " She bit down on Kahlan's ear lobe. "I had to endure the sight of you taking down those four D'harans single-handedly." A whisper and a smirk: "You're so sexy when you fight."

The Mord'Sith's full lips travelled back to Kahlan's, kissing, licking and biting with urgency. She bent slightly to pull at the tight, dark pants the Confessor always wore beneath her dress. When the pants were gathered around the tops of the Confessor's boots, Cara stood back up to pull the brunette's body close.

Kahlan moaned with want at the feel of gloved hands grasping the backs of her bare thighs and sliding slowly upwards.

Their lips and tongues met once more, briefly, before Cara gracefully fell to her knees. She smirked at the sound of Kahlan's heavy breaths and delicately kissed the freckles decorating the pale thighs before her. She removed her gloves and dragged her fingers teasingly up and down Kahlan's legs.

Kahlan's eyes widened as she realised Cara's intent. "Cara, I-" a bite to her inner thigh cut her off as she cried out. "Oh, spirits! Cara, I don't think I'll be able to hold on for very long if you do _that._ "

A mumble around the flesh at the inside of her knee, "I know". Green eyes looked up at her and plump lips twitched up into a mocking grin. "Command me, Confessor".

Those same lips were suddenly at her core, kissing and sucking, teeth nibbling. She gripped the tree behind her with one hand, burying the other in blonde hair. She was unable to contain her groans as she felt the pleasure quickly building. Her body wasn't used to such intense stimulation, and it didn't take long for the sensations to overwhelm her. Minutes later she was using the hand tangled in Cara's hair to push the Mord'Sith away.

Cara fell backwards and propped herself up on her elbows to watch as that same hand that had shoved her away quickly found itself nestled between the Confessor's thighs. Cara swallowed a whimper of her own as Kahlan cried out in release. She took in the sight of the Confessor's heaving chest and bucking hips as the aftershocks travelled through the brunette's body.

Only when Kahlan's hand stopped its motions did Cara get back on her knees and crawl forward, reaching out. Her hand stopped a hair's breadth away from Kahlan's, and she looked up into hooded eyes, silently asking if it was safe.

The Confessor nodded slightly before closing her eyes, trying to regain her breath and her composure. She quickly opened them again as she felt her fingers being drawn into a wet, warm mouth. Cara's eyes looked directly into her own while she thoroughly cleaned her fingers. Kahlan felt a shiver travel up her spine.

When Cara released her fingers and gently kissed the back of her hand, Kahlan pulled the blonde up for a long, deep kiss. She spun Cara around and pushed her up against the tree, reversing their positions. The Mord'Sith waited in anticipation as Kahlan adjusted her own clothing before setting to work on the laces of Cara's red leather, her teeth biting down hard on the blonde's neck.


	3. Caleb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little ficlet about Cara, Kahlan, and feelings. Just something I daydreamed up and thought I'd share. The title is pretty irrelevant, but I didn't know what to call it. 
> 
> Published on ffnet Mar 27, 2015

Cara stealthily entered the shabby healer's hut, her footsteps soft against the packed-dirt floor, and gently pulled the wooden door closed behind her. The tight space was partially illuminated by the light of the full moon filtering through a single window. The hut contained a bed, a chair, and a table scattered with various herbs, liquids, and utensils. One leg of the table was shorter than the rest and was propped up on a brick. The tabletop seemed to sag under the weight of a large stone mortar and pestle.

Cara lowered herself to one knee by the bed and glanced over the sleeping form of the Mother Confessor. Satisfied by the gentle rise and fall of steady breathing, she lifted the blanket to check the bandage covering the long, stitched gash just below Kahlan's ribs. There was no blood seeping through the gauze, so Cara lowered the blanket and pretended not to notice the way Kahlan's pale skin, with its smattering of freckles, seemed to glow in the moonlight. She made her way around the foot of the bed to sit in the chair on the opposite side, where she could face the door and window, keeping watch. Her overworked body seemed glad to rest, but she kept herself alert, not allowing her eyelids to droop.

The night was quiet, coloured only by the sound of the breeze and a lone cricket. Cara's eyes fell back onto Kahlan, for lack of anything else to look at. She pondered the Confessor's injured left side, remembering how she'd wrapped her right arm around Caleb and tried to use her left to block an attack. Cara had initially thought Kahlan foolish for not using her more dominant arm to defend herself. But she knew that was a fundamental difference between the two of them; a Mord-Sith's first thought was of the battle, of winning. Kahlan's first instinct had been to protect and comfort the wailing five year-old. _Still,_ Cara mused, _she might've avoided the blow to the head if she'd been able to block with her right arm._ What was done, was done, though, and Cara was only glad the damage had not been more severe. She turned her mind to Lord Rahl and the wizard, mentally mapping out the route she and Kahlan would have to take to get to the agreed rendezvous in two days' time.

Less than an hour had passed when Cara was pulled from her thoughts. Kahlan stirred in her sleep, but was jolted awake with a moan of pain when she half rolled onto her injured side. Cara firmly pushed Kahlan flat onto her back and Kahlan gasped in fright at the touch, but then relaxed in recognition of the gloved hand. She looked over Cara's body, quickly discerning that the stoic woman was uninjured.

"What happened? Where are we?"

"Healer's hut," came the curt reply. "You're hurt."

Kahlan tried to nod, but winced in pain. She recalled seeing a sword pommel headed for her face before she'd blacked out. She also remembered –

"Caleb? Is he okay? Was he hurt, did he get home?"

Cara held up a hand to stop the stream of questions. "The kid is fine. I delivered him right to his front door, just as you'd promised him we would. His parents' farm is just over half a day's walk from here." Cara left out the fact that the boy had been exhausted from the ordeal he'd endured since being kidnapped a week earlier, but had been eager to see his mother, and that she'd allowed him to ride on her shoulders most of the way. Mord-Sith do not carry children on their shoulders. She'd made an exception, though, since they'd lacked a horse.

Kahlan let out a sigh of relief and smiled. "Thank you, Cara. For looking out for him. And me."

Cara shifted uncomfortably and nodded. "He told his parents all about you. 'The nice lady in white'. His mother said I am to bring you to see her as soon as you've recovered. This village is small, no one had a horse to lend or sell. But Caleb's father allowed me to take one of his for the trip back here. Payment, he said, for bringing his son home. If we head out in the morning, we should be able to catch up with Richard in time. We can ride slow to avoid aggravating your injuries and still cover more ground than if we were to walk."

"It will be nice to finally see Richard and Zedd again, but we will go and see Caleb and his mother before we leave, as she asked. And we will pay his father for the horse."

Kahlan used the careful but forceful tone of voice that she reserved for presenting Cara with the kinder or more compassionate course of action in any given situation. It was a voice that said her word was final, whether the Mord-Sith liked it or not. Cara fought the urge to roll her eyes, too tired to argue, but still made her exasperation known with folded arms and a loud sigh.

Kahlan's lip quirked. She looked over Cara again, paying more attention this time to her face and her body language. She knew the woman would never admit it, but it was evident that she was exhausted. They'd been travelling for almost two days without rest when Kalan was hurt, and then Cara had spent the afternoon bringing Kahlan to the village before taking Caleb to his parents.

"Cara, have you rested?" A green-eyed glare was her response. She pushed on. "When did you get back?"

Cara knew Kahlan's questions would only continue until she was satisfied. "About an hour ago."

"You should get some sleep before morning. We've got a lot of ground to cover."

"I'm _fine._ "

Kahlan huffed in frustration. "You may be a Mord-Sith, but you've been travelling with Richard, Zedd and I for almost six months now…I may not be able to read you yet, but I can tell when you're struggling to keep yourself upright."

Kahlan shifted herself as carefully as she could manage, making a space in the bed on her good side. She kept the blanket wrapped around herself to cover her bare torso, but patted the thin mattress in invitation. Cara looked at her with a blank expression, refusing to dignify the suggestion with a response.

"Please, Cara." Almost a whisper. "Don't be so stubborn. We're in a small village, the night is quiet; you don't need to stand watch. I'll rest better knowing that you're resting too."

Cara glanced at the bed longingly. She really was tired.

When one heartbeat too many passed without any movement, Kahlan was dismayed that Cara's pride had appeared to take precedence over basic needs, as usual. But Cara suddenly moved from the chair to lay herself stiffly on the edge of the bed, consciously leaving space between their bodies and avoiding Kahlan's eyes. Kahlan was afraid to say anything, lest Cara should change her mind, but the Confessor couldn't help but reach out to touch Cara's hand gently.

Cara's heart missed a beat at the nudge against her hand, and she felt a tingle up her arm when long fingers wrapped around her own. She could feel the heat of Kahlan's skin through her leather glove. She looked down at their joined hands, frowning. She didn't notice Kahlan watching her; she was lost in thought.

Kahlan waited a moment before whispering, "what are you thinking?"

Green eyes snapped up to meet blue. No response was forthcoming, and Cara's expression betrayed nothing. So Kahlan continued.

"Whenever I reach out to touch you, you frown at the contact with a faraway look in your eyes. At first I'd thought it was because you were afraid I might confess you. But we've long since moved past that day when I entered the Con Dar. I know you don't like being touched, but you don't shrug me off anymore, or roll your eyes. You just frown, then look away."

Silence. Kahlan closed her eyes, listening to the breeze rustling through the trees. She resigned herself to not getting anything out of Cara tonight, but took heart in the fact that the gloved hand still rested comfortably in her own. She felt as though she was about to slip back into sleep when Cara began to speak.

"I think of your father." Cara's voice came out as a nervous rasp, so she cleared her throat and tried again, in a clear, indifferent monotone. Her gaze remained fixed to the ceiling of the hut. "I think of what you told me of him. How he would bind your hands, not allowing you and your sister to comfort one another."

Kahlan absently squeezed the blonde's hand. "I think of that sometimes, too. I've wondered whether I crave contact now because it was something I was always denied."

Cara nodded, but kept her gaze at the ceiling. "The only touch a Mord-Sith is taught to give or receive is one of pain."

Cara frowned in contemplation once more, and Kahlan allowed the silence to linger.

_There isn't much that a Mord-Sith fears,_ Cara thought. A Confessor's touch, perhaps; the wrath of her Lord Rahl; and bringing dishonour to herself and her sisters. That's it. Cara felt that she herself had even less to fear. She'd inspired compassion in the Mother Confessor herself, even after having killed her sister. She travelled with the new Lord Rahl and disobeyed his orders at whim, to no consequence. And she'd lost her braid and honour at the hands of her sisters of the Agiel. _There isn't really anything left for me to fear in this world._

She glanced at Kahlan from the corner of her eye; the Confessor's face was turned towards the window, the moonlight falling across her lips and casting her eyes in shadow. No, nothing frightened Cara. Nothing except the tingle up her arm and the flutter in her abdomen at Kahlan's every touch. Kahlan seemed to awaken emotion in Cara. Emotion that she could not name. That frightened her more than anything. What was a Mord-Sith doing sharing a bed with the Mother Confessor? Holding her hand? Having…. _feelings?_ Cara suddenly felt a flush of panic rise up in her chest, and she fought with herself to push it back down and keep her breathing even. She jerked her hand from Kahlan's as though she'd been burned.

Kahlan's eyes found Cara's, reflecting confusion and…was that hurt? Cara broke the shared gaze and declared that she was feeling restless and needed to take a walk.

"Try to get some more rest. We'll have to leave early to see Caleb."

Kahlan was bewildered by the sudden change in Cara. She'd felt that she was finally getting through to the Mord-Sith, especially knowing that Cara had taken it upon herself to see Caleb home safely (after she'd initially suggested they kill the bandits who'd kidnapped him and then leave the young child to fend for himself). In less than a minute Kahlan had gone from sharing a bed and a real conversation with Cara, to watching the lithe woman disappear into the night without so much as a backward glance. She was of half a mind to force herself out of bed and chase the blonde out the door to demand an explanation. But she knew that even if she was well and capable of such a thing, Cara would only be annoyed and wanting some space.

Kahlan sighed into the empty room, and lifted her shoulder in a small shrug. She knew that there was no need to worry about Cara – she'd be back first thing in the morning. They would have at least another two days to travel before reaching Richard and Zedd, and they'd be sharing a single horse at least part of the way...Kahlan doubted Cara would be likely to open up like that again any time soon, but she would try to push some of Cara's buttons anyway.

_I'll get close to her somehow,_ Kahlan thought. _Even if it takes me another six months._


	4. Like It's The First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short feels.
> 
> Published on ffnet in 2016

Kahlan rested her weight on her hands, keeping her body raised just enough to gaze over the bronze body beneath her. She was entranced by the goose bumps and the fine, blonde hairs that began to stand on end, following the path of her eyes. When her gaze finally reached Cara's face, the Mord-Sith was looking at her in awe. It made her shiver.

"What?" she whispered.

Cara swallowed audibly. "You."

Kahlan frowned in question.

"No matter how many times we do this," Cara explained, "you always look at me as though you can't believe it's real, can't believe it's happening. You look at me like it's the first time all over again."

Kahlan couldn't stop the grin that crept across her face as she closed her eyes and rested her forehead against Cara's, noses and lips brushing.

Cara swallowed again, her next words barely audible. "Or maybe that's just how I feel."

Kahlan finally lowered her body onto Cara's while meeting the blonde's lips in a desperate kiss. A deceptively feminine moan escaped the Mord-Sith as she wrapped her legs around Kahlan and flipped their bodies over to reverse their positions.


	5. Why Are You Weeping Over a Sword?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watching Cara try to understand (seemingly) basic human emotions/behaviours makes me want to laugh, and cry, and hold her forever. Her facial expressions in the show are absolute gold.
> 
> Published on ffnet in 2016

Cara tethered the horses to a nearby tree, ensuring their reins were loose enough to allow them to graze. She gave each of them a quick rub down the flanks and checked their hooves. Satisfied that the horses were comfortable and ready to go at a moment's notice, Cara turned to search for Kahlan. She was surprised to see the Confessor sitting on a log with the Sword of Truth lying across her lap, tracing the intricate hilt with her fingertips.

Cara sauntered over. "Something wrong?"

Kahlan glanced up at Cara briefly with a sad smile. Her eyes were red and watery, a single tear forming at the corner of one eye. Looking back down at the sword, she replied, "I miss Richard."

"Why?"

Kahlan looked up at the perplexed tone of Cara's one-word question. She shook her head gently, trying to find the words to explain something that most people would have implicitly understood. "Because I love him!" Kahlan smiled at Cara, even as the tear finally rolled down her cheek. The Mord-Sith still appeared confused. "I'm not used to being apart from him."

Cara was still frowning, standing perfectly still. Eyes wide, her gaze moved away from Kahlan, flickering back and forth between the trees in the distance without really seeing. "It's…not necessary to feel…pain…over his absence."

Kahlan sighed and shook her head again. She smiled gently, remembering that Cara was not 'most people'. "Don't you feel anything?"

The question was soft, genuinely curious rather than accusatory. Kahlan's smile faltered slightly as she watched Cara consider the question very seriously, her eyes still darting from side to side as she searched herself for an answer. Her mouth opened, then closed again. She tilted her head to the side. Kahlan thought she looked like a confused puppy.

Finally, the blonde stepped forward. "Mord-Sith believe emotions must be governed," she began, as though explaining something to a child. Kahlan turned her eyes back down to the sword. "Sadness, remorse, love – these feelings make you weak. Anger, loyalty, pride – these feelings make you powerful." Kahlan looked back up at Cara and her breath caught for a moment at the intense green eyes looking back at her. "I _can_ teach you to control your emotions. If you'd like."

"I'm not sure love makes a person weak, Cara."

Cara cocked a hip to the side and clasped her hands in front of her condescendingly, frowning, her voice dripping with incredulity. "Then why are you sitting on the ground, _weeping_ over a sword?"

Kahlan almost laughed out loud as Cara's expression teetered between disgust and concern. "You wouldn't understand," she replied, not unkindly.

Cara straightened, standing at attention with her arms crossed over her chest. "Explain it to me." Her full attention was on Kahlan, her expression showing genuine curiosity.

It was Kahlan's turn to frown as she considered her answer. "It's….difficult to put into words. Having Richard's sword…It makes me feel closer to him, but it also reminds me that he's not here."

Cara's head tipped to the side again.

"I am reminded that he's out there with a bunch of women we know nothing about, unarmed, and suffering from the effects of his gift. I have hope that they will cure him, but I am afraid of what may happen to him while we are apart."

Cara considered for a moment. "I have the Rahl bond, as do all D'Harans. As long as I can feel the bond, as long as my Agiels still work, we know that Richard is alive. Besides, his other option was to stay with us until his gift killed him."

"I know...I know we made the right decision. I know it was the only real option. But I still worry. And I still miss him terribly."

Cara's lips were pursed, her eyes boring into Kahlan's as she frowned in concentration, her head nodding slowly, sagely.

"…You don't get it at all, do you?"

Cara went still for a moment, then, "…no."

Kahlan couldn't stop the laughter that suddenly bubbled out. She could tell that Cara's answer had been genuine, no trace of mockery or malice. She put the sword aside and held her hand out to the blonde. She feared that Cara's confused expression would become permanent as the woman's hawk-like gaze moved from her face, to her outstretched hand, and back again. Finally, a gloved hand reached out, and Kahlan used it to pull herself to her feet. She followed the forward momentum to gracefully wrap Cara in a tight hug.

Cara was still struggling to process what had just happened, her hands held awkwardly in the air and her body stiff, when the Confessor's warm voice by her ear sent a shiver down her spine. "I've never met anyone quite like you, Cara Mason." She wasn't sure whether to feel flattered or insulted.

When Kahlan failed to release her, Cara eased into the contact and rested one hand on Kahlan's upper back. Kahlan smiled at the awkward gesture and pulled away.

Cara noticed that Kahlan seemed lighter, happier, as she wiped away her tears. The Mord-Sith remained perpetually baffled. She turned away from Kahlan and stared off into the trees bordering the clearing. "I hope Zed is alright."

Kahlan stood at the blonde's shoulder. "Zed can take care of himself. I'm sure he'll be back soon." She wandered past Cara, heading for the tethered horses. "We may as well sit and eat."

* * *

When Kahlan returned with their food pack, she and Cara sat together on the log, the Sword of Truth still lying in the grass. Kahlan rummaged around and found two fresh apples left over from the bunch they had picked a few days ago, as well as some bread and dried meat. She handed one of the apples to Cara and the Mord-Sith pulled the dagger from Kahlan's nearest boot.

Cara was about to pop a juicy slice into her mouth when Kahlan made a noise of disgust beside her; she had cut into her apple to find a rotten patch. Kahlan was about to cut out the bad section when Cara's gloved hand stopped her. The Mord-Sith took the bad apple and swapped it for her good one.

"Cara. I can cut around it, you don't have to-"

Cara rolled her eyes and popped a good piece into her mouth, as if to seal the deal. Kahlan's cheeks turned a slight shade of pink at the surprisingly sweet gesture. She looked down as she mumbled her thanks.

* * *

Cara heard Kahlan approaching her in the dark. Zed had been late to return, so they had lit a fire and laid out their bedrolls to camp for the night. Zed was on the other side of the fire, snoring loudly.

The Confessor lowered herself gently onto the log beside Cara. "Hey."

Cara kept her eyes trained on the trees. "You should be sleeping. You need the rest."

"I can't."

"Is the wildebeest keeping you up?" Cara smirked and turned towards Kahlan. She was startled to find the brunette's face closer than she had expected.

Cara's comment sparked an amused grin from Kahlan, but the blonde noticed that the mirth hadn't reached those sad blue eyes. She had noticed Kahlan gazing at the Sword of Truth again, while Zed had been inhaling his dinner. Cara had been intrigued to see Kahlan suddenly chuckle in the midst of her tears before laying the sword back down and wiping at her eyes.

She took another guess. "Richard?"

Kahlan hesitated. "…Yes. But I've also been thinking about our quest. About where we go from here."

Cara sighed. "That's tomorrow's problem. Go to sleep." She turned her eyes back to the trees, indicating the end of the conversation. Kahlan stubbornly ignored her order, moving closer until their shoulders brushed. Cara looked at Kahlan from the corner of her eye, secretly admiring the glow of the moonlight on her pale skin and the soft smile gracing her face.


	6. A Kiss from Kahlan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garbage fluff ahah
> 
> Published on ffnet in 2016

A kiss from Kahlan was never just a quick peck. Sometimes it started out that way, a gentle meeting of lips, but then Kahlan's hands would wind themselves through Cara's hair and her kiss would be filled with enough passion and emotion that Cara would wonder if it was to be their last; after all, Cara was always counting her days with Kahlan, waiting for the Mother Confessor to inevitably realise how wrong Cara was for her.

Kahlan's kisses always went on for minutes that felt like both seconds and lifetimes. They left Cara disoriented, much like settling down for a nap at midday and waking at dawn. When they would pull away, Cara would always look to Kahlan's eyes to ground herself. Sometimes she saw mischief and mirth, but other times she'd be greeted with a furrowed brow and piercing blue eyes that seemed to be looking past her exterior. She always wondered what Kahlan was thinking in those moments, what the Mother Confessor could see inside her black soul. But then Kahlan's serious expression would melt into one of her bright smiles, the ones she saved for Cara, and the Mord-Sith could think of nothing more than how lucky she was in that moment.

_Kahlan felt the familiar flutter in her chest and tingle in her spine as Cara's teeth latched roughly onto her lower lip, trying to stop her from pulling away. She drew back slightly as the kiss ended, but kept the blonde's face cradled in her hands. Clear green eyes looked back at her, no longer cloudy with uncertainty. She took note of the softening of Cara's face, and could feel that the tension in the body pressed up against hers had long since melted away. At the almost imperceptible upward twitch at the corner of Cara's mouth, Kahlan let out a breath and allowed her own smile to break through._

_As Cara had begun to reclaim her lost humanity, her Mord-Sith walls had started to crack, and in their place she was left with insecurity, shame and uncertainty as she tried to find a medium between her old and new identities. Kahlan tried, with each kiss, to stick a few shattered pieces back together; she knew it wouldn't be so easy to permanently settle the storm inside of Cara, but she hoped to at least mend those pieces that had Cara doubting Kahlan's feelings for her. Each time their lips met Kahlan was swept up in a tide of emotion that she couldn't hold back; so she tried to pour that emotion into each kiss and embrace, hoping that Cara could feel it too. She always looked for the growing spark of confidence and understanding in those endless green eyes, counting the days as the Mord-Sith's heart slowly opened to her._


	7. Running Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an angsty thing I daydreamed and have since tried turning into a bit of a longer thing. But this was the original snapshot.
> 
> Uh, just in case it's needed I guess, fair warning Kahlan is terminally ill.
> 
> Posted on ffnet in 2016

Closing the door gently behind her, Cara quietly moved further into the Mother Confessor's room. The light of the full moon leaked in through the window, illuminating the frail form buried under soft blankets in the middle of a large bed. Cara's heart ached at the sight. More than friends, but less than lovers; Kahlan had wormed her way past all of Cara's defences, and the blonde hadn't noticed until it was too late.

Kahlan's illness was not something Cara could poke with her Agiels, something she could torture into submission or outright kill. So she'd spent months running, hiding behind her pride and her Mord-Sith facade…wasting time that should've been spent by Kahlan's side while the illness had worsened.

But she was here now.

She knelt by Kahlan's bedside, brushed her fingers over a gaunt cheek. The brunette had lost a lot of weight since Cara had last been to see her. Even like this, Cara found her beautiful - in a heartbreaking sort of way. Kahlan stirred and offered Cara a sleepy smile. The Mord-Sith pulled the bedcovers back just enough to slide in beside the brunette who quickly reached out to pull her in closer before closing her eyes once more with a content sigh. Cara stiffened at the contact, watching Kahlan's breathing even out, and then relaxed into the other woman's hold. She'd expected questions, anger, hurt. She supposed that Kahlan hadn't been fully awake, hadn't emerged from whatever she'd been dreaming.

A part of Cara still wanted to cling to her Mord-Sith ways, to the numbness, the apathy, the strict control of body and mind. She wanted to keep her emotions in check. She wanted to keep some _particular_ emotions locked safely away. But there was no fighting the tug in her chest or the queasy feeling in her stomach, and she seemed completely incapable of fighting the tears building in her eyes. Laying there beside the sleeping Confessor, she reluctantly – angrily – allowed the tears to fall.

"It's your fault," she hissed. "Mord-Sith aren't supposed to _feel._ " Quieter, "not like _this._ "

Kahlan had been surprised to open her eyes and find herself face to face with the long-absent Mord-Sith, but she was too exhausted and relieved to delve into the questions she wanted to ask. She'd been drifting back to sleep until the sound of Cara's voice had caught her attention. She focused on keeping her breathing steady and her body limp, feeling bad for the deception, but desperate to hear more. She was beginning to feel disappointed when a few moments passed in silence. She was focused on the warmth of the arms around her and the regular puffs of breath against her face, and was startled when she heard the almost imperceptible sound of a teardrop hitting the pillow.

"You changed me. You taught me to feel, so I was no longer Mord-Sith. Made me believe that I-"

A frustrated growl.

"You made me _feel,_ and now you're just going to _leave me_. Break me, just as I've been broken before. But this time…If I'm not Mord-Sith, and I'm not…." Kahlan heard her swallow the end of her sentence. "What am I?"

A barely audible whisper, " _Who_ am I?"

Kahlan felt a pang in her chest at the vulnerability in Cara's voice. She opened her eyes and brought a hand to Cara's cheek, startling her. The blonde tried to pull away, but Kahlan moved closer. She watched a tear roll lazily from the corner of Cara's eye and felt her own tears fall in response.

Cara finally let go, unable to hold back her anguish and the accompanying sobs. "I can't protect you from this. I can't fight it. I can't stand in the way and let it take me instead."

Kahlan pressed her forehead to Cara's, cupping her face in both hands.

"I'm not supposed to care for you, Kahlan. I was never meant to love you."

Unable to hold back, she pressed her lips hard against Cara's in response. She savoured the sound when Cara's breathing hitched, committed the texture of the blonde's full lips to memory.

Kahlan knew from the state of her body that she'd be lucky to make it through the next couple of days, let alone the week that the healer had predicted. But with her lips and body joined to Cara, time seemed to stand still, and none of it mattered except for the rapid beating of her heart.

She pulled back when her breathing became laboured, and quickly gasped out, "I love you, too."

Cara buried her face in Kahlan's neck, curling into her like a child with her arms still wrapped around her. Kahlan had never seen the usually infallible woman appear so fragile.

"You'll be okay," she whispered. "You'll get through this, and you'll go on without me."

Cara didn't respond, but tightened her hold, crying harder as she thought of all the time she'd wasted running away, being afraid. She'd spent too long away from Kahlan since the illness had first set in. She told herself that she didn't deserve this moment, this night, even as she wished that she could make it last an eternity.


End file.
